Bleeding Hearts
by yasha012
Summary: After he lets Kagome go to be with the one she loves, Sesshomaru experiences many things; things that not only teach him about himself, but help define who he is. A story told in drabbles. T to be safe.
1. Alone

"Go to him."

"What?"

He sighed deeply, heavily.

"He is the one you want, isn't he? Go. Be happy."

She smiled widely, tears of joy spilling down her cheeks.

"Oh Sessho… Thanks you…! Thank you so much…!"

She threw her arms around him in a brief hug and took off, shouting the name of her love, leaving him all alone in the clearing.


	2. Life

Precious time was lost during the fight; time he could have used to save the girl's life. However, in doing so, he would have put another's life at risk. But who was he to weigh one life against another? The thought would plague him, even after the sun had set and the birds resumed their song.


	3. Killer

Angry words turned into shouts and screams as a battle erupted in the village. He stood alone at a merchant's shop as the killing and pillaging began, a figure of white against the smoke. The bandits reached him and the merchant within minutes. One of the bandits attempted to stab him with his spear. He dodged to the side and easily broke the weapon before turning and killing the man with his claws.

"Wh-what are you?" stammered another who fell backwards in his attempt to get away.

He said nothing, merely turned and reached behind the counter to grab his purchase before leaving the burning village.

Who _was_ he? A fighter. A traveler. A learner. An adaptor. A demon. But a killer? That was beginning to seem more and more true, and honestly, he wasn't sure he even cared.


	4. Opposites

Yin and Yang. Twi and La. Light and Dark.

If opposites attract, then why did he feel like he was at war with himself?

A killer or a protector? An enemy or a friend? A lover or a hater? A monster or a man?


	5. Fragile

He twisted her hand around, her palm facing the sky, revealing the damage done by her fall. Her blood caused his heart to clench. He had forgotten how fragile she was. She, a human child. How could he have let this happen? As he gently bandaged the wound, he found it in his heart to hate himself just a little bit more.


	6. Anger

Anger was not supposed to enhance your senses; it was supposed to deaden them, make it impossible for you to think logically, or to act rationally. Anger was not something that he was supposed to feel. And yet, looking down at the bodies of the slain village, he could feel nothing else. Drawing his sword, he turned to face the monster of the shadows, the monster within.


	7. True Pain

True pain was something rarely felt. It existed in the heart and the heart alone. No physical pain could compare to the devastation it wreaked within. Few things could cause such pain. The death of a loved one, perhaps, was one of the most common causes of it.

He knelt down before the simple grave and laid down a yellow flower on the grass before it. It was her favorite.

_Here lies Rin_

_A friend, a lover, a beacon of light within the dark._

He stood and silently walked away, sure to be long gone before her husband and children returned.


	8. Greater

Treasure was something he rarely sought. The treasure of knowledge, not the treasure found in gold and silver and coins, was what he desired. He wanted to know. He wanted to learn. He wanted to become something greater than he was.


	9. Hunted

The inn was a simple place; all boards and dust and creaky old beds. He slept on one such bed, only barely asleep, with the sounds of town life filling his ears. A gunshot rang out amidst the noise, the bullet piercing the wall near his face. A man stood outside, shouting in a foreign tongue, telling him to come out and fight. He wordlessly stood and paid the innkeeper his money. Perhaps it was time he left.


	10. Power

It was the era of great exploration, and pirates ruled the seas. Despite all the attempts of the royal navy to stop them, they continued to thrive and thrive, growing steadily more powerful as the years wore on.

He sat in a heavily padded chair in the captain's chambers, listening to the storm outside. Men argued loudly from the deck as the wood creaked around him. He stood silently and walked outside, his boots thunking on the ground as he walked. As he stepped outside, all talking ceased. They stared at him with a mixture of apprehension and fear. Good.

"What are you doing standing around? Get back to work!"

As the men scrambled before him like terrified puppies, he couldn't help but relish in the power. He hadn't felt like this in a long time. Power was what he needed, what he'd always needed. Who needed love when you had the entire world under your heel?


	11. Disappear

Ireland, Mexico, Egypt, Greece, Rome, China, India, Switzerland, the Caribbean, Iceland, Antarctica, Korea, Sweden, Germany, France… He had been all over the world, and yet still he wandered. Was there truly no place for him in the world? Would he never find a place he could call home? A place where he could start anew, a place where nobody would ever know him? A place where he could disappear?


	12. Regret

It was not the first the first war he had ever been a part of. It was not the bloodiest, nor was it the hardest. It was, however, the first war he'd ever fought outside of his own country, a war he fought _for_ a foreign country, _against_ foreign countries. It was called a world war, so why did it feel so personal, like he was killing his own family? They were not his family. They were not his friends. He didn't care for them. He felt no allegiance to a country whose history had been the source of all his pain. So why? Why did he almost regret pulling the trigger?


	13. Memories

It was by no means the worst thing he'd ever done, but he still didn't enjoy it. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. It wasn't gratifying. They were loud and obnoxious and constantly doing things they weren't supposed to do.

Watching them made him think back to fonder times, days where he would watch her play in the fields and gather flowers. But those days were over, her smile long faded into the past.

He watched them run through the room once more and took a deep breath. Perhaps he'd try again, for her. However, that changed nothing. He still refused to watch someone's kids again.


	14. Guidance

Times were tough. Money was tight, the economy was bad, jobs were worse, and the people were as corrupt and power-hungry as their government. He never thought this day would come; a day where he'd have to admit defeat, admit he needed help, and turn to friendship for guidance.


	15. Good

He pulled his hair back and knelt over the dying woman, pressing cloth into her wound. The ambulance was on their way, but they wouldn't make it in time, not if the woman was left alone. She needed a hero, and for once, he decided he was going to be that person. He wasn't going to ignore her, wasn't going to back down or turn a blind eye. For once, he was going to be the one to do something good, and… it felt good.


	16. Expression

He didn't know how he'd been talked into this. He stood in the empty room, his heart thundering in his chest, sweat lightly on his palms.

Panic. Don't panic. You can do this. Lots of people do this. Breathe. Just breathe. In, out. Once, twice…

He took another deep breath and, leaning over the mic, began to sing,


	17. Lost

He'd written countless books before; tales of adventure and excitement and tragedy and horror and pain and sorrow and friendship and suspense and thrills and wonder… So why, damn it all, couldn't he write one about love? He'd felt it before, felt it so strongly he hadn't thought he could survive without it. So why couldn't he put it into words? Was his heart truly so far gone that even that was lost to him?


	18. Empty

The bar was empty. It was late. People were heading off to their homes, ready to go to sleep and prepare for their busy lives to begin again at dawn. He, however, stayed and took another drink. He had nowhere to be, no place he felt like going, no people he wanted to see. He was fine with being alone. So why did he feel so… empty?


	19. Unexpected

He'd never thought he'd see her again. Never thought that she might leave _him_ and return to her home, her time. Never thought that she would seek him out and talk to him. Never thought that she could actually love him. And yet, as they collapsed onto the bed, he couldn't bring himself to believe anything different.


	20. A Happy Ending

He watched as they ran around the yard, laughing and playing and begging him to come and join them. She came over to him,holding a laughing, smiling child in her arms, and pouted.

"Please?"

With a sigh that betrayed more happiness and love than he thought he could ever feel or be allowed to feel, he stood joined them in their game. And for the first time in many, many years, he was happy. He was loved. And that was all that mattered.


End file.
